Am I Important?

I don't normally care about scrapbooking, but I had to watch a video on it for work. It was one of those shows like cooking shows or Bob Ross, where they just teach you to be creative and stuff. And I think it doubled as an infomercial for this product she kept hawking. Anyway.

She kept talking about the importance of scrapbooking and how a scrapbook makes a great gift because it shows that you feel that person's life is important enough to document. And you should scrapbook with your kids to teach them that what they think and do and feel is important. I started thinking about social media, and how it's kind of like scrapbooking in a way. I've heard that it's really pathetic when people on Facebook or Twitter believe that other people care about their thoughts, but it's not. It's not like that at all, really.

People post to Facebook because they believe their words and thoughts have value. And they're right. And other people do pay attention, even if it's only to hit the Like button. Maybe they're not real friends, whatever that means, but they have chosen to see the things that you say because, in some small or large way, they care about it. You are important, and your Facebook page is a beautiful collection because it's yours.

I'm not important. I realized that today. I've never been able to keep a journal. I never post to Facebook. I have three friends because I refuse to put myself out there and pester other people with my stupid face. I don't even have a real photo. I have a picture of the Scythian. She's important. I can only wish that I was.

When did that happen? I don't recall ever feeling like I had worth or value. I've always been stupid and not good enough. I'm in the way. Nobody wants to listen to me.

How did other people come out of the fundamentalist upbringing with any sense of self-worth? I can't imagine. The only reason I can write this post is because I know, at most, my girlfriend might read it. When I try to write for other people, I can't. I can't speak to people in public, even if they address me first, because my brain is so quick to remind me that they don't really care. They're just being polite. Or maybe they need an answer, but I should shut up again real quick so I don't bother them.

Maybe I should take up scrapbooking...